u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
