I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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