apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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