bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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