And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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