My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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