dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
