Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My vagina just clenched in fear
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
