That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
