my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
