Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
