she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
