forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
