That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize