i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
