Cold hands, warm shart.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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