quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
