She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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