So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
