you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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