I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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