i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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