Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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