I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dick very happy bro
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
