At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
