K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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