Already got asked if we're dating
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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