My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
