He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize