Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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