idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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