i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
