I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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