As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
