three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Operation Purity has been aborted
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just gargled with NyQuil
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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