So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
