I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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