I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize