Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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