Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
