i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
