im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Randomize
