Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
