I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
