Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
