Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
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