that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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