I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
