I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
