I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
