I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
