Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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