I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
