I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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