I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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