The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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