that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
