my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
