Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
