My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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