literally had 100 drinks last night.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
