I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
