the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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