I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
