theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
