Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
