We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
